Your mom, your step-mom, and your wedding

20 Dec

This isn’t the cheeriest of wedding planning topics, but it’s a very relevant one for those of us spawned and reared amidst our parents divorces: How to deal with the dynamics of your mom and your step-mom during the planning process and on your wedding day.

This article spurred my own memories of the awkward and unsolicited dynamic brought into my wedding day…though reader beware, it quickly strays off-topic. So you’re better off staying here and reading about my own trial and tribulation!

My parents are still together, after thirty…uh, forty-something ?…years. (So long I lost count.) I was a fortunate child who never had to cope with a divorce and live through the arguments, threats, and constant balancing act. I took a crash course on how to deal with divorced parents after hooking up with my husband.

The child of divorced parents herself, Barbara Sears Rockefeller famously divorced Winthrop Rockefeller after discovering his collection of men's magazines.

His parents divorced when he was 13 (and if you happen to speak with my mother-in-law today, you’ll start to think the ink on the papers is still fresh). So you can imagine how she took it when we announced we were hosting our wedding and reception on his father’s property…which my father in law shares with my husband’s step-mom.

Despite the fact that my father in law and step mother in law have been together more years than my mother in law and father in law were…it was close to disastrous. My mother in law kept suggesting alternate venues for the soiree up to the week of our wedding. She sat pouting for most of the day like the girlfriend you invited to join you at the high school dance with you and your boyfriend because you felt sorry for her. She wore white. (Which I’m convinced was her secret way of getting back at me…more on that topic later, but, seriously – as the MOB or MOG, who in their right mind wears white, claiming it’s the only color that’s flattering to their skin tone??)

Because I was still new to the world of divorced parents, I didn’t know how to cope with any of this…from the snarky remarks made during planning to the pre-ceremony events that were also hosted inside my father in law’s home, to mitigating strange remarks made by my mother in law to the friends that chose to stay with my father in law after the divorce.

The only words of wisdom I have to offer those of you in this situation is to be upfront about it from the beginning – acknowledge that it’s going to be awkward, but staying firm that it’s your day, and the relics of relationships past need to be put to rest while you celebrate the love that’s being shared that day.

Anyone got any better ideas?

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6 Responses to “Your mom, your step-mom, and your wedding”

  1. cassiecares March 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    Sorry to comment on an old post, but I found it by searching “Controlling Step Mom.”

    Thanks for sharing this!I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this. My FH and I *just* got engaged, and I’m already feeling the tension.

    You poor thing! I’m sorry you had to deal with so much drama. Thanks for the advice. Hopefully I can stop it at the start!

  2. Vernita March 8, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

    It’s actually a cool and useful piece of info. I am happy that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

    • silverthornepavilion March 8, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

      Thanks so much for your feedback, Vernita! Always like to know what our brides find helpful and what they do not. Best!
      The Pavilion Team

  3. Jane thompson April 15, 2013 at 12:14 am #

    I K N O W the marriage of the groom’s parents was over a century ago. But I totally understand how painful if was for his Mom to be on the outside looking in. Come On People…. Couldn’t there have been a neutral venue ? That hurt ! Naturally the MOG should have sucked it up and put on a happy face. P. S. ” Bride’s Day” Oh Pulleeze, it is a blending of Families.

  4. Phyllis June 23, 2013 at 5:28 pm #

    This design is steller! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused.

    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own
    blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.

    Too cool!

    • silverthornepavilion June 24, 2013 at 10:44 am #

      Thanks for your kind note, Phyllis! Glad that you found the blog helpful and entertaining!

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