Your mom, your step-mom, and your wedding

This isn’t the cheeriest of wedding planning topics, but it’s a very relevant one for those of us spawned and reared amidst our parents divorces: How to deal with the dynamics of your mom and your step-mom during the planning process and on your wedding day.

This article spurred my own memories of the awkward and unsolicited dynamic brought into my wedding day…though reader beware, it quickly strays off-topic. So you’re better off staying here and reading about my own trial and tribulation!

My parents are still together, after thirty…uh, forty-something ?…years. (So long I lost count.) I was a fortunate child who never had to cope with a divorce and live through the arguments, threats, and constant balancing act. I took a crash course on how to deal with divorced parents after hooking up with my husband.

The child of divorced parents herself, Barbara Sears Rockefeller famously divorced Winthrop Rockefeller after discovering his collection of men's magazines.

His parents divorced when he was 13 (and if you happen to speak with my mother-in-law today, you’ll start to think the ink on the papers is still fresh). So you can imagine how she took it when we announced we were hosting our wedding and reception on his father’s property…which my father in law shares with my husband’s step-mom.

Despite the fact that my father in law and step mother in law have been together more years than my mother in law and father in law were…it was close to disastrous. My mother in law kept suggesting alternate venues for the soiree up to the week of our wedding. She sat pouting for most of the day like the girlfriend you invited to join you at the high school dance with you and your boyfriend because you felt sorry for her. She wore white. (Which I’m convinced was her secret way of getting back at me…more on that topic later, but, seriously – as the MOB or MOG, who in their right mind wears white, claiming it’s the only color that’s flattering to their skin tone??)

Because I was still new to the world of divorced parents, I didn’t know how to cope with any of this…from the snarky remarks made during planning to the pre-ceremony events that were also hosted inside my father in law’s home, to mitigating strange remarks made by my mother in law to the friends that chose to stay with my father in law after the divorce.

The only words of wisdom I have to offer those of you in this situation is to be upfront about it from the beginning – acknowledge that it’s going to be awkward, but staying firm that it’s your day, and the relics of relationships past need to be put to rest while you celebrate the love that’s being shared that day.

Anyone got any better ideas?

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